Masturbation Apathy

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There are two general categories of individuals who may have Masturbation Apathy:

• Those who have lost interest due to constant repetition of the same self-sexual pleasuring technique(s).

• Those who have attempted various new techniques of self-sexual pleasuring yet still feel a disinterest or inability to maintain arousal, which not explainable by any other troubling event.

NAME:   solipsism velour
QUESTION:   I have lost interest in masturbation. I don't know if this sounds delusional so bare with me... the novelty effect has worn off completely. Every time I feel the urge to ejaculate, I'm just turned off (and it's not about trying new techniques or anything). It's so cold and distant, it seems almost surreal ... as if I have stepped into a glass house that just imploded. It's not that I have a problem with it, its just this state of disinterest has left my energy in a state of awkward consternation.
ANSWER: You are very good at articulating your insight on sexual self-pleasuring. You are what is known as a "thinker's-thinker". In other words, I have no doubt that I am a thinker, and you have caused me to think more than I usually have to think when answering questions on this page. Not everyone is a thinker you know.
     Anyway, an appropriate definition for masturbation is sexual self-pleasuring. The key word in sexual self-pleasuring is "self". "Self " also happens to be the key word in self-centeredness, self-pity, self-seeking, self-conscious, etc. It may seem that parts of this site advocate masturbation as a way-of-life. But masturbation is actually only one of many things that happen to be the "self-ish" behaviors we engage in throughout our life. There is no way around that fact. When the novelty of it has worn off, it is because we realize the limitations and expectations for our "self" when it comes to self-sex. For some of us, it is unrealistic to set higher expectations for masturbating because we've come to realize exactly what we're doing . We begin to take it only for what it is worth, rather than what it might be if we try harder, last longer, fantasize deeper, or change the method. None of these things seem to solve the fact that masturbation is only masturbation.
     Sexual outlet, in general, is a primary need for most people. But the truth is, it is a very basic, redundant, and primitive bodily function. During my first year of answering questions for this site, there was definitely a real novelty to it. It was fun, humorous, and even erotic sometimes. It was also a true ego boost for me to have a World Wide Web audience of thousands (now millions). Then, I went though a period in the second and third year... as if I was looking at it all purely as a science. As I entered my fourth year of this project, I tended to see all of it more like you described above. For a while, I felt just like you said your masturbation experiences have become, even in my own personal sex life. Gradually, I did get over most of the depressing aspects of it, but it took time to accept the true reality of hosting a site on sexually related topics. When I look at the big picture, it is actually very redundant, it is never funny anymore, and it is absolutely not erotic for me now. (But this info just pertains to my experiences with editing this website.)
     If I think about my own masturbation history, I think the same course of events occurred, but things turned out differently in the end. Eventually, a time came when I just accepted that the whole novelty was gone (for a reason) and that there had to be zero expectations for future masturbation sessions. But now, I can look at this in hindsight as if it was a mental growth process. What used to be a big part of my life when I was younger had to become secondary. I am by no means celibate or anti-sexual now. Therefore, I know that even after all this happened to me, I'm still not sexually "broken", and I'm not delusional. It's just that my outlook has changed; I began to have desires in other parts of my life; and I simply analyze and expect different outcomes than I used to predict. I'm not worse off now, but the transitional periods did cause me some depressions and let-downs.
     Above, I labeled you as a "thinker". All thinkers go through depressions at different times in their lives. If your depression ever gets so bad that you feel you just can't handle it any longer, please do not feel ashamed to see a doctor and a psychiatrist for your issues. I'm sure you have deep thoughts and feelings in other aspects of your life besides masturbation. If you haven't had them yet, you will have them as you get older.
     On this site, we try to communicate the reality that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. To get that point across, we tend to lean towards articles and answers that let people know it is OK to masturbate. However, you have pointed out a very real aspect of human masturbation that some people feel at some point in their life. This aspect is not very well discussed when it comes to Internet forums such as this one. Nevertheless, I'm glad you brought it up because it is very objective and astute. Lots of young guys make masturbation sound like it's the best thing on Earth. I guess for some people, it is the highlight of their day. I guess that is OK for them. But it is also OK (probably even better) if you don't think it's the best thing on Earth. It's even OK if you don't masturbate at all. -- Go easy on your "self" for a while.
     I think you and I both have analyzed the situation enough for now. Chances are, you will level off to a comfortable moderation in your personal sex life when it comes to masturbation. Nevertheless, it's not going to fix itself over night. Trying to think about something else or trying to find something to replace the time that used to be spent masturbating and fantasizing can be a difficult task in and of itself. But it's usually worth it if you find something else in order to distract yourself from sexuality for a while. Some men may disagree, but I think there is much more to life than stroking-your-shaft (masturbation) or dipping-your-stick (sex). My primary purpose in life is definitely not masturbation, sex, or editing this website.

Sincerely,
APatcher

SEXUALITY: Heterosexual
GENDER: Male
TITLE: Love Masturbation

I have been masturbating for more years than I care to admit. I have a normal sex life with my wife of 37 years and we have oral sex and intercourse just about every day; probably a little more than she likes. She likes to watch me masturbate and often masturbates me on her own. She also likes me to masturbate her, although she does not do herself. I like to masturbate more than I ever did; I think it makes sex a lot better and kept my cock in good condition.

SEXUALITY: Heterosexual
GENDER: Male
TITLE: Paul - Sometimes

It's true that you can suffer masturbation apathy. I've gone through it and at this moment in time I am suffering from it. I just don't get the kick from it. I tried not masturbating for about 10 days two weeks ago. I really built up the frustration, which took nearly all of 7 days. Finally, on Monday evening I really felt like jacking off. When I came it spurted at a rate the it shot through the tissue paper over the bedroom carpet. It felt so good. Then on Wednesday, just at bedtime I thought I'd try again. I had to try really hard to get an erection and then I was rubbing for ages. When I finally came it was a short anti orgasmic cum, a squelch rather than a hard shot. Last night I did the same and suffered the same results. Now, today I can barely get aroused by anything. This is a big change for a guy who could masturbate everyday and maybe 2 to 3 times easily. But I notice when I am enjoying masturbating I seem to thrive on it and then for some reason when the enjoyment disappears I end up chasing it, inevitably to the point of frustration at being able to achieve a satisfactory orgasm. During times like this I feel lousy. I try going to the gym, the swimming pool and for long walks. I try to build up my fitness rather than look at women in bathing suits or running on a jogging machines. Any size of woman with her breasts heaving up and down and around, or the sight of a pertruding nipple or camel toe. These things would usually give me a handle like an oak tree, but not these days. Even in the male changing rooms or showers I don't feel like competing at being the dominant male. No amount of porn can even stimulate my imagination. But it's better not to dwell on it as it's not that is all to life. I know I'll snap out of it sometime, just got to find inspiration outside of being selfish.

I am aged 66 and have been masturbating since I was twelve. The older I got, the more I enjoyed to masturbate, and whether or not I have had other sex a lot or hardly at all, I have always masturbated. Occasionally for one reason or another I have had to do without it for a period of time, but whenever I do go without it for a few days it always comes back stronger than ever. In fact, the longer I go without it the more the desire to do it. Recently I went on holiday for two weeks and did not have any chance to masturbate. As soon as I had the opportunity I literally went crazy for it and could not leave my cock alone for more than a short time ever since; almost six weeks ago. I cannot imagine going without masturbating if I don't have to, even for a short time.

I have masturbated almost daily most of my life in ever-increasing amounts, and now that I am retired and have time, I do it off and on all day, most days. I have never lost interest in it or not felt to do it for more than a short while unless I was ill or some major event happened in my life. However, doing it so much I have found it does get boring at times, especially if I do it for more than an hour at a time. When I ejaculate, I play with my cock until the feeling comes back. Sometimes I do this until I ejaculate 3 or 4 times, and will masturbate 3 or 4 hours at a stretch and get tired of it. However, the feeling to masturbate will be back within a few hours. I also find that if for some reason I do not masturbate much for a few days, the feeling will explode, and I will do it more than ever. I have kept up this pattern for the last 35 years, so I don't see where it hurts anything, as I am in good health and am perfectly normal in everything else. So although a lot of times masturbating so much does seem boring and not very sexy, I never really lose interest in it. If I do, just doing a little less for a few hours brings it back. So I would have to assume it would be something else besides repitition that would cause masturbation apathy.

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I think we all masturbate for different reasons. Probably many men masturbate as a substitute for other sex if they don't have a partner. If a man masturbates as his principle outlet without wanting other kinds of sex, he will probably do it a great deal. I found once I accepted that I enjoyed masturbating more than anything else, I take my cock out and stroke it whenever I have a chance. I don't see how I could ever lose interest in it. However, if someone really doesn't like masturbating all that much for whatever reason, it would probably be easy to lose interest. Just as I always find excuses to do it, they might find reasons not to do it.

I am now retired and have masturbated almost daily since I was about 7. I cannot imagine ever losing interest, as I enjoy it more and do it more now than I ever did, as I have more time for it. I think there could be a number of reasons for someone to lose interest, but mostly it would be because they never had much interest in it to begin with. I have always had a great deal of interest in the subject and have read very widely on masturbation (probably because I masturbate so much myself.) It seems there is a certain percentage of men who are really confirmed and dedicated masturbators, but the majority of men who masturbate more do it as a substitute for other sex, and would prefer sex with another person rather than masturbate.

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