Men, Masturbation, and Porn
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SEXUALITY:
GENDER:
TITLE: Internet Porn and Masturbating

With porn now so easily available on the internet, more and more young (and older) men are masturbating in front of the computer. Young teens without real live sexual partners and older men between relationships may spend months or even years with no other sexual outlet besides porn and masturbation. A growing problem that arises from this is Retarded Ejaculation during partner sex. What happens is the guy get's so used to the intense porn fantasy and the hard grip of his own hand that when he finally does find a sexual partner vaginal and oral sex seem understimulating. Compared to self masturbation the vagina or mouth can never reproduce the stimulation of the hand. Depending on how much they masturbate and how much porn they use, they can begin to suffer from Retarded Ejaculation when they do have relational sex. They can get an erection but cannot ejaculate because the brain has been conditioned to repond to the porn and the penis to his own hand. Many men with this problem complain the penis feels "numb" especially during vaginal sex. Before internet porn with it's amazing variety of sexual fantasises, delivered into the comfort and privacy of the home, a guy might buy a magazine and, after whacking off a few times would become bored with the same old- same old. In most cases partner sex was usually better and more exciting that magazine porn. But because of the ease of access, variety, and, if he's tech savvy, the ability to download hardcore movies off the internet, some men get so they (consciously or subconsciouslly) actually PREFER the porn and mastubation. All this is hardest on the wives of men who would rather masturbate than have sex with them. The internet is full of websites where women are crying out for help not understanding why their men would turn to porn and not to them. What they don't understand is that man man who is not turned on enough to ejaculate will find sex with a partner stressful and unpleasant and will try any to avoid it at any cost. Even men who don't suffer from sexual dysfunction will use masturbation as their primary sexual outlet just because it is easier. He only has to please himself and does not have to worry about whether or not his partner is satisfied.

SEXUALITY: Heterosexual
GENDER: Female
TITLE: suzie

I would appreciate some advice. Certainly since reading the articles above I am coming to understand that my partner masturbating is not a reflection on me and that it is normal and different to sex. When I got with my partner he had been single for 4 years and I understood that he looked at porn (videos, internet and magazines). I never tried to stop him looking at these (even though I was brought up to think that this was very bad). I assumed that since we had a good sex life he would just stop looking at porn and masturbating. After a while he was still masturbating so I decided 'if you can't beat them, join them' and I ordered a 'girly' catalogue and made sure he saw it. We chose some films together and watched them together. I wanted him to want me when he was turned on and try and join him in his masturbation. He tried to include me but was not very comfortable with this and soon went back to watching on his own and not with me. Now I am a lot younger than my OH and I NEED sex every day. I wouldn't mind him masturbating if I was getting sex as well but I am not. We have sex 2 or 3 times a week now. I used to initiate it but he would just say no and that I was too pushy and that he should be the one that asked for sex, why can't I ask for it when I am randy? It upsets me as I have NEVER turned him down but I feel that I can't ask for sex so I end up waiting for days until he is ready. He admits that he wanks every day but he does not want sex every day. He says that wanking is a 'relief' which I am beginning to understand but it still upsets me that wanking comes before sex. I wouldn't mind if he could have a wank and then have sex but it seems that once he has had a wank he does not want me. I only get sex when he dosn't get time 'alone' for a wank first so mainly at the weekends. He also gets very ratty if he dosn't get time alone - I know what he is doing and it upsets me if he wanks while I am in the house. He says his ex got upset when she caught him having a wank while she was cooking breakfast, I said that I would have got upset too as he should have come downstairs and we could have had some fun together. He didn't understand, he said that he had already shagged her so this was 'his fun'...I think it was wrong to be so blatent with her in the house. I know he looks at porn every day and he also has lots of images stored on disc - he seems obsessed with naked women. He says he dosn't really look at them after storing them but that he 'likes to collect the pictures'. What upsets me is when he looks at porn while I am in the house. he will look while I am cooking dinner and when I come in the room he clicks onto a different page - why does he do this when he knows that I know what he is looking at? He will watch 'late night tv' but when I say 'I'm getting turned on by this shall we go to bed' he just shrugs and lets me go to bed alone. He dosn't even react when I masturbate in front of him anymore - my alternative to trying to 'touch him up' to turn him on. I know he loves me because sex is great when we have it but he seems 'obsessed' with pleasuring himself to the expense of our sex life. I try not to think about it but yesterday I came in the house and found a cum soaked tissue on the computer desk. This really upset me even though I was trying to be rational about it. He knew I was coming home in half an hour so why have a wank first? Couldn't he have waited for me? I didn't say I'd seen it I just got on with dinner and when I came in the room later the tissue had gone. When I asked for sex later he said he was tired and not in the mood. He obviously was in the mood earlier and it upset me that the 'internet' was more appealing to him, WHY? We try to be open and honest with each other but due to my 'hang ups' on this subject it is driving a wedge between us. I have tried joining in by looking at porn together but I still feel excluded. I won't ever try to stop him looking at porn / wanking all together but I would rather he included me when I was in the house and didn't rush straight to the computer the moment I walk out of the door. It is driving me crazy being randy and knowing that he has already had a wank and will not want sex. Any help in understanding and making the situation more bearable would be appreciated.

My husband masturbates while viewing porn especially anal sex. He told me that he doesn't like anal sex and that's what he likes to watch while stroking it away. I don't mind him masturbating just as long as he doesn't watch porn. We have a 1 year old son and he already knows what pepe means. It really does make damages with my mental health, I sometimes don't know how to react when I see himm doing his what I call MONKEY BUSINESS. Masturbating is okay and healthy for you but accompany with porn is completely unacceptable. To all husband's out there, masturbate with your wife's picture instead and when you get caught then it wouldn't be such a big deal. Jerk up

When my husband of 9 months and I were dating, I knew he masturbated and had porn videos under his bed. I confronted him and he said that it was because he used them to imagine us in those positions and would masturbate when I wasn't there for us to have sex together. Well, okay, I bought that then, but know we are married, and I've caught him in the middle of the night looking at internet porn and I found a whole bunch, like 10 or so, porn videos that he had hidden away. WTF! What is his excuse now? Again, he says that he doesn't want to wake me up, or that I have my period or something, any excuse he can think of. This time, I'm not buying it. Why does he choose to watch porn rather then be with me? We're newlyweds for God's sake! Why would he rather jerk off then to make love to his wife? Not to sound conceited, but I'm young, think, and attractive? Why? Help! The sad newlywed wife

Introductory Notes:
The following contains some graphic material. However, it is written from the heart, and not intended to offend you. The graphic phrases are intended to:

1: Help show men who might read this piece what can go through the mind of a woman who is struggling with this issue, and conversely, what can go through the mind of a woman who understands it (and you) better. I hope this will give you incentive to help your woman understand rather than the "that's just how it is, babe" explanation most women seem to get from men on this issue.

2: To bring up the intense feelings and images some women have about this, in the context of a written piece examining these feelings. I want to show women that some others feel the same way and have similar thoughts. Not all women will visualize the same way about this, but for those who do, I hope that seeing your thoughts and feelings in print from another woman will help you see that you are not insane – that your feelings and imagery are normal and that you can manage them.

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Well, my current boyfriend told me at the beginning that he looks at porn and jerks off, and at first it was really difficult for me to understand or accept. In fact, it hurt like hell, even though deep down I couldn't really deny that there was something actually rather fascinating about it at the same time. I know I am not alone in this last odd facet of this problem.

Ladies, I know it feels horrible. You imagine what is going on in his head as he looks at some incredibly gorgeous girl's tits or pussy or ass while his dick gets hard from looking at her, as he strokes it and then comes. And if you're reading this because you have this feeling, the preceding sentence is not over the top, it's gone through your head many times. It can be incredibly painful. I've felt it with more than one boyfriend. You want him to only be able to get hard for you! But I have changed my views on this. Now, I think it is incredibly hot. More on that at the end of all this.

I got really angry, and decided that because he looked at pictures of women, I was going to look at pictures of men. And I did. This was an important step in my journey from jealous to confident and relaxed. I found that there is a lot of "gay porn" as well as "porn for women" involving men masturbating. And you know what? Something about it was incredibly sexy. Lots of the images really didn't appeal to me or even grossed me out, so I passed them by and kept looking, and I found some that made me instantly and very erotically excited. No connection to my emotions, or brain, I just wanted to - and did - come looking at them, and came hard. (I started out feeling a little guilty about this, but now I just enjoy it and move on.) But at the time, I was still angry about him looking at pictures of women, and also other women while we were out together. One day, though, I found this blog in the links above, and it clicked - I knew that I didn't want those guys, wouldn't touch them with a 10 food pole. But a picture of a hot guy touching himself, well, it's incredibly hot even though I never want to meet the guy or take it past the small amount of time I want to even see the picture. (Ladies, this is not only good "revenge" while you're feeling pissed off and hurt, it can be great therapy. Read on for why.) If I can look and not "really want", then I worked out that - amazing as this seems - so can he.

Once you can work it out that he is NOT actually a ravening beast with entirely different thought processes than yours (I mean he's with you because you have a connection together - so unless he's abusive it's only reasonable to come down off the rage and realize he's not a horrible person who wants to fuck porn stars, or else why is he with you) it becomes clear that he most likely feeling the same way about it as I described above. Men look at tits or ass or pussy they like the look of, and their dick gets hard. Period, it happens. Unconnected from their brain or their heart. Or a nice face, or hair they like, or a pretty girl with perky tits in a tank top - their dick gets hard. And as you read that last bit, instant rage and hurt for you, right? Believe me, I know, I've been there. But these girls and women are out there, and you just can't lock the guy in the basement. They see some girl in the street that turns them on, well, they don't know her and unless you are making his life miserable in the many ways women can make men's lives miserable, (don't worry, guys, you have ways of making our lives miserable in as many, if different, ways) they probably don't really want to.

If your man is a thinking man, he's probably not wanting to actually get hot and heavy with people he doesn't know, just as you aren't. If he's not a jerk, he's not going to cheat as long as you have a decent relationship and you have agreed to be exclusive. Especially if you haven't forced him into an exclusive relationship. If he is a jerk, or if you have gone "too far, too fast" so that you became attached to needing a committed relationship with him before he was ready for that - and then you made him commit for fear of hurting you or losing you or because your dad has a shotgun - then you have other issues you need to examine. (I know it hurts to think of giving up the kind of relationship you want with a guy you feel that you love, but I really believe you have to be able to risk this, knowing there are others out there, to really have the relationship you want in this life.)

But if you both want a committed relationship and you have issues with him being attracted to other women, talk to him about it. Tell him you want to really understand what he gets from this and how he feels about the women in the pictures or the video. Try to understand that men's dicks are not always attached to emotions, although in a love relationship, they also are. (Which makes it even more confusing as you try to deal with this.) Also understand that the feeling he gets from jerking off is entirely different from the feeling he can get fucking you or getting sucked by you or a hand job from you, and do you really want him to give this unique pleasure that only he can give himself up? If you can listen to him tell you this without screaming, then you have the beginnings of a relationship where you actually understand something that's important to him that will impress him beyond measure and make him really want you.

Remember that we are sensitized to this in our culture and that a lot of the bad feelings come from worrying about losing him to another woman. Yes, women lose men to other women all the time, but the thing is that if he has the freedom to jerk off while being visually stimulated by IMAGES of beautiful women, he will probably not need the actual women (aside, of course, from you.) The other thing we fear is being left out of something intimate with him, while some other woman is included. Well, as I said, these are IMAGES. The actual woman isn't anywhere near, and is never likely to be near.

A word about obsession here - if you find yourself thinking about this a LOT, to where you are really emotionally sad or enraged about it, especially if you work up little scenarios about things that get you really "going", please look into disorders like ADD where people imagine emotionally charged things to stimulate their prefrontal cortex. You may have a disorder that includes an obsessive element and/or the need for this prefrontal stimulation. Look back at your life and see if you have always gotten upset by scenes you create in your own mind. This does not mean you're nuts, but that you may have a condition that you can get help with, and stop upsetting yourself to get the brain chemicals you need.

If all of this doesn't work, work on getting confident in yourself. Even if you are overweight or older (I am both) dress up as nicely as you can, put on nice makeup, and go out with some women friends. Be aware of the men who are aware of you. You don't need to flirt, but if you can, nicely, it helps. Talk to some NICE guys - avoid jerks like the plague - about things you are knowledgeable about (no matter if you think those things are silly or they wouldn't be interested - if you know your subject and love it it will be interesting, just make sure you don't get carried away, let them talk as much as you are talking and let them tell you about things they are knowledgeable about) and remember, as long as you are respectful of yourself and your relationship, and don't make sexual comments or jokes that could make them disrespect you, they will find you interesting. Soak up the male admiration and understand that no matter what you see in the mirror, there are men out there, some of whom may surprise you, who think you are a mysterious and delightful woman. (But please, don't use this to make your guy feel jealous - therein lies disaster. Men don't handle jealousy well, and can get either very hurt or scary if it is painful enough to them - hurt or scary enough to really damage your relationship.)

Most real guys don't expect women to look like porn stars or girl singers with no body fat and stripper moves. Really, they don't. If a guy is disrespectful to you at home or out there, move along. Avoid women's magazines with skinny and beautiful women in them if you have body image issues, those are set up to sell you products by making you feel insecure. If anyone tells you that you are less than fabulous for any reason, tell them to fuck off, or if you can't (boss, parents etc.) remember that they are trying to make you feel bad to make themselves feel better and that what they are saying is garbage.

Once you are confident in your own worth and beauty your man will probably give you so much nice attention (or you will move on to one who will) that you really will relax about all of this. Men want committed relationships, too. They just mostly can't tell you why the things you are doing make them lose interest, they don't have the words, which is why so many of us are out here searching around for someone who can. Luckily, there are some of us who have been through this and can give you some information on it.

Well, way up there at the start of this, I said I'd return to why I now feel my guy looking at porn and getting hard is so hot. Once you have read enough online to begin to see what I'm talking about, you may want to examine how you feel about this when you don't feel threatened by it. Ask yourself if there wasn't a little guilty pleasure mixed in with that rage. Ask yourself if your guy, hard, doesn't turn you on no matter what made him hard. Ask yourself if his looking at those beautiful tits and ass and pussy doesn't turn you on a little, too. If you can bring yourself to do this, masturbate, and fantasize about him looking at a picture of a pretty girl and rubbing that hot, hard dick until the sight of those pretty tits or nice pussy or beautiful ass make him come. You may have the best orgasm you've had ever. If it's good for you, then you may be ready to show him how non-threatened you are by this. Offer to give him the blow job of his life as the two of you look at his current favorite images. (If he thinks this is odd, tell him that if you feel included somewhat - not all the time, but sometimes - in his looking at this, you will feel less threatened and get off of his case about it.) He will decide that you are the only woman in the entire world cool enough to give him such pleasure and not make him feel like a dog for it, and if all else is reasonably good, will very likely never leave your sid

I cannot stand my husband masturbating or watching porn. I've tried to accept it and I just can't. I've caught him doing both(he's always tried to hide it) I feel so rejected by it. He married me, and I feel he should be faithful to me even in his mind. He always tells me he's too tired to have sex with me, but he'll masturbate? Even if he doesn't want to have sex, why doesn't he let me jerk him off instead? It's such an intimate thing that I want to be a part of. I've told him he can come to me with anything, that I'll try almost anything he wants in the bedroom(EXCEPT multiple partners) I've tried to talk to him about it when I've caught him doing this, and he says that he's always thinking of me while he's doing it. That's a load of BS. Why imagine when you could have the real thing?

I was with the same woman for about 6 years. We didn't live together but I stayed with her several days a week and did almost everything with her. She was a major part of my life and we loved each other deeply. She still is a tall beautiful blonde who draws stares from other guys when she walks by, and I'm a little above average looking so the physical aspects were never an issue with us. What I'm saying is that we were both very attracted to each other physically. Within the last two years we were together we started having sex less and less often for some reason. Maybe we were too familiar with each other, who knows? Whatever, I started masturbating a lot more than in the past and it gradually began to take the place of having sex with her. I was really getting into internet porn and I would spend an hour or more every day looking at it so I began to have a lot less interest in laying her and more in satisfying myself. Selfish? Yea, I know. Needless to say, she became very frustrated with me since she didn't masturbate and couldn't get any satisfaction from me. We talked about it a few times but I didn't want to admit what I was doing (and I didn't want to have to quit) so she was confused in addition to being frustrated and constantly horny. She didn't know what was wrong. We even talked about counseling but I never did it. She didn't know if she should blame me or herself. Even though she and I were the loves of each other's lives, and in most other ways we got along great, she could only take so much. Can you blame her? All she got was rejection from me. Well, we split up finally and my friend, it was the hardest and most painful breakup I have ever been through. I know we will never have any chance for a great life together now. And buddy, that is what really hurts the most. My advice to you is that if you like to keep jerking off like I used to do so much then at least try to talk about it to your wife/husband or bf/gf and make sure you are satisfying them too... or ignore that and face the harsh consequences like me. Good luck!

I have read up on so much of this husband/boyfriend and porn issue. I am trying different things that I have read to try to get over it and I can't. For a while before I was married to my husband I told him I didn't want him watching porn because I felt insecure. He kind of understood and didn't watch porn although I had caught him once. We eventually got married the same year and just about 2 months or less ago I told him that he could watch porn. I think this is because I am always scared I am going to catch him or find it on the computer and then I will be upset with him for betraying me. I guess to make it easier on myself, I told him he could watch porn. So, now he watches it and it still kills me. I am so insecure about it and I don't know what to do anymore. He still tries to delete the evidence from the history on the internet explorer, but I still find it. It is like every time I go in the shower or leave for a bit, he jumps right on that porn. I am in my 8th month of pregnancy and I feel so unattractive, so I feel that is partially why he enjoys the porn. He tells me he doesn't think about the women on the porn and it is just about the act of sex. One question I always think about is why do guys look at porn if they aren't going to masturbate? Wouldn't it be to sit there and oggle over the hot women? The women that I am nothing like, especially in my state of pregnancy. I am tired of talking to him about it because everything I say each time is the same. I have been in and out of therapy and antidepressants for the past 5 years of my life and lately with this insecurity issue ontop of my stresses of school and the thought of having my first child at the age of 20 (not to mention maybe postpartum depression might be kicking in, as i was told to watch for it during my last trimester b/c of my depression history), I have been going nuts. I think I need to go back to therapy to help me with this. I am scared because I keep thinking that I might need out of this marriage (it has only been like 4 months) because these insecurities are eating me up. I am thinking if there is no hubby to be insecure about, there is no pain and hurt. I know it wouldn't be as easy as that sounds. I am really scared about how depressed I have been feeling.

I have been able to relate to some of these other articles which is helping a tiny bit. But, still I am sitting here crying and trying to keep myself together. I am four months pregnant and have caught my husband masturbating (usually to porn on tv in the morning before he goes to work). He gives me the line it's a release. But what I'm so upset about is that I tell him how I need to feel sexy, especially since I am taking care of our 2 year old and have a growing belly for baby #2, and that I want to have sex. I am trying to understand, but, as a female, I never found myself masterbating, especially to porn. Why can females control themselves, but men can't? I always think of and am concerned that my husband's sexual needs, but obviouly he doesn't always think of me regarding his sexual experiences. I have even told him that I want his needs to be met with me even though I'm pregnant. The sad part is that I feel guilty to be pregnant eventhough we decided together to have a second child. It hurts like hell, like a stab in the back! If he wouldn't try to be so sneaky and would think of me or use props reminding him of me while masturbating.

-Submitted January 26, 2006
Mo
Heterosexual
Female

LADIES!! please listen. we have been conditioned to thinking that it is okay for our MEN to watch porn and jerk off... The fact is, it is rude, disrespectful, and tacky! Do not allow some man to say it's okay and normal, its not! When they say there is no emotional attachment, or personal, then there really isn't a need for it. If the man is single and not having sex, go for it. When you're in a relationship, when you're married, it's absolutely not acceptable. Don't try to tell me it's nothing to do with the woman or the man isn't thinking about another woman he just wants T and A when he masterbates, not a face. Bullshit!!! He makes a conscious choice when he chooses the links that excite him the most! That's emotional, and that's personal. Why is it that men will even pay for Paris Hilton or Pamela Anderson videos? ITS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE! there is attachment there. It's a way of having sex with another person mentally but not physically. Rude, Disrespectful, Tacky, and NAIVE!

You spoke your mind and you said exactly what needs to be said and I Thank You for having the balls to say it. More like-minded women should stand up and tell what they believe to be the truth about porn.If we don't demand respect we will never get it. Believe me I know all about the Retarded Ejaculation thing...They can screw all night long but get sore and can't use it for a week poor babies.. but can still pull on it to porn....No wonder they don't want sex with us. This the side effect they get holding their penis tight & watching porn, a real vagina does diddly squat to excite them. How sad is that? Bet they don't put that in their features in PLAYBOY. Might not be such a BIG selling feature. Guys give themselves every excuse in the book to jack off to whoever /whenever and if WE don't like it it's because we are insecure. READ ON MY FRIENDS: I told my ex-boyfriend I had recently masterbated to pics of guys....women can do it too ...shock horror..He was devastated and hurt by it ...didn't want to even think about me doing that to other naked guys with beautiful hard cocks....hmmmm Guess why we're NOT together?? I have had a sensational bod, an average bod & I got big when I was pregnant...right now I am pretty, sexy and have a nice bod even now, but...NEWS FALSH it doesn't matter..they do this anyway. Cake & eat it too....& we let them do it as if it's detrimental to their healthif they don't have it, or to keep A GOOD relationship because porn stops them straying too apparently.

Hey guys and gals. Listen, I think both males and females need more SELF-ESTEEM. If we all felt good about ourselves, we would stop watching this pathetic mockery of sex called porn. PORN SUCKS. It's garbage. It's fast, easy, requires no commitment and is readily available. Relationships, on the other hand, require commitment, dedication and loving kindness. LOVE IS HUMAN! PORN IS INHUMANE: TREATS PEOPLE LIKE PIECES OF NON-LIVING PLASTIC! Porn makes both men and women want to look like Ken and Barbie! They're all PLASTIC. Let us all enjoy our masturbation....together or alone... Embrace self- love... YOU are beautiful in your own ways: YOU ARE UNIQUE! THERE'S NO ONE ON EARTH LIKE YOU! Nor shall there ever be! So..... quit obsessing over penis size, breast size, skin condition, height, age.... And all those other MEANINGLESS things.

Listen girls single and masterbating to porn..... what about masterbating when your girlfriend or wife isn't interested in having sex with you. I am sick of always approaching my wife for sex. Why can't she approach me? Because she says that she doesn't think about it as much as I do. Well....Sorry I don't want to cheat so I will look at prorn when I have the urge. All of you girls need to chill. I would rather have sex with my wife than look at porn but she is not inerested as often as I am. What are we(Men) supposed to do then? To relate.... It's like having a chocolate craving. If you want chocolate you just go and get some. No one bitches at you when you go get a hershey's. We have a craving too. Why can't you let us satisfy it. It has nothing to do with you. I would much rather have a chocolate bar than a picture of chocolate but a chocolate bar is not always available.

after reading all of these i am very perplex how grown adults can get upset about some of the stupidest things. Hey if your guy isnt giving you any get out, some people are like that it doesnt mean all guys are like that. and for the masturbation isnt normal, got news for you it is; it is a guys way of releasing sexual tension that you women can not do for us. You are going to have to grow up and deal with it, if you can do that then you are the ones who are not committed enough to a relationship. Oh and masturbation is not rude, takey, wrong, or for that matter stupid, it is human nature so deal with it

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I have been with the same man for 6 years. When I first met him he hadn't been anyone for a year. In turn I understood that he masturbated and watched porn, which I did not mind. I in fact enjoy a good porn as long as they are not trying to act because lets be honest no one wants to hear talking in a porn. I have always enjoyed new sexaul experiances, even with other women,even though I consider myself straight. My problem with his masturbating is that we don't have sex. We now have sex about 1 or 2 times a MONTH. This has been a problem from the start but never was it this bad. I would wake up in the middle of the night to find him not in bed but downstairs and as soon as he heard my steps I could tell him change the channel. Then I would find his towel the next day or the video, come on,at least he could try and dispose of the evidence. This is when I would become livid, I was not getting any from him, he was taking care of himself and wouldn't even give me enough respect to try and hide it. I am attractive and am hit on constantly but I remaind faithful. We have had this fight over and over because I want sex alot and he doesn't. I stop coming on to him in fear of rejection and he say that he needs to feel more emotionally connected in order to do it. Well I do not want to make love all the time some times a person needs a good f-ing for a release. I wouldn't mind him jerking off but I would like to watch sometimes but he can't do it in front of me or if he starts to he stops. I am the one who is willing and not getting any response. Now, he has gotten me to the point I don't want him to touch me in any sense even for a hug. He can't be with me but he sure can take care of himself, that is where I have a problem with masturbating and porn. If you rather do it yourself than be with your WILLING partner you have a problem. Now I have ended it with him , IZ CANT STANDZ IT NO MORE! Though that is not the only reason we are not going to make it, it is the main reason. I am so frustrated it is not funny and I am sick of trying. So, in a sense masturbation has ruined our relationship.

yes there are women who will not take care of their men and don't keep up there end of the bed, but there are way more of us who would love nothing more than to enjoy and share our sexual time with our men.SO----- I am sorry guys but most women out here who want to be the woman your having sex with while in bed with you. Remember it's the thought that counts?? Well when your in bed with us we don't like to wonder which center fold or what little porno star are your thoughts are seeing in your head??? We might be the warm body your in but we are not the one you are visualizing or that you are mentally with, we are no more than a replacement for your hand with all the knobs and buttons to make her seem more real. I bet if you would read her name you may even mess up and call her by her (not our) name. I want to be more than a warm flesh blow up doll. While your seeing and having sex with your mind toy we are seeing you with you cock in one hand and akeyboard or book in the other drooling over some over used whore -- WOW WHAT A TURN ON FOR US

And how would you feel if we would rather wait till you fell asleep or left the house to have our sex?? Then leave you untouched or wanted, we are not so stupid as to believe you love and want us so much that you can't wait for us to get out of way so you are jacking off to visions and lust only of us. Maybe of us watching you with the whore in your head but we know better than to believe you have us wrapped around your member.

IT IS AN INSULT, WE ARE NOT SO STUPID THAT WE CAN'T SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS WHEN WE ARE BEING USED AS A FILL IN FOR YOUR PORN. FINE IF WE CAN'T BE THERE FOR SOME LONG TERM REASON PORN IS A GOOD THING TO HELP YOU GET BY, BUT IT'S NOT UNREASONABLE TO THINK WE ARE WORTH YOUR WAIT OF A FEW HOURS OR EVEN ON OCCASION A FEW DAYS, SUCH AS MARRIED COUPLES WITH KIDS, OR YOUR GONE FOR A WHILE ON A BUSINESS TRIP.

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My wife and I have been married for 7 years.She is a very beautiful woman and I would never replace her with anything including porn.When I was younger(teenager)I masturbated quite frequently,even while I was with my ex'sto porn.A few years back I learned some interesting facts about porn that has since kinda turned me off to it.

1)Those women aren't as gorgeous as they look on camara.There are many things that can be done to change the size,shape and complexion of these women.To be frank its all fake.

2)Some(not all of course)of these porn stars have had sex changes,so when I thought all those times I was masturbating to women,It could have been a man.And no its not easy to tell the differance either,There is a surgery that can soften a mans voice to sound femine

3)Majority(again not all) of porn stars are drug addicts or have sexually transmitted diseases.My point...I used to love the fact these women looked so sure of them selves.that additude made them even more attractive to me.Most cases behind that smile and those eyes is a women who's deeply unhappy,and in a huge amount of cases,lead to thier suicide

All of the above is a proven fact.My wifes cousin did porn,not videos but magazines.She was addicted to meth,and had attempted suicide twice.She told me and my wife once that men fell in love with this image of her that doesn't exist and she felt she could never live up to that image.She passed away April of 2005 of a drug overdose.

My wife isn't against porn and niether am I.Some men honestly don't get any sex from thier wives and really have no other choice but to masturbate.and even if they get sex from thier wives or girl- friends,masturbation is a completely different feeling.I do masturbate with my wife,we have also found other ways to satisfy our sexual appetite without the use of porn.My wife is bisexual and does have sex with other women while I watch and masturbate.We've had three-somes and gang-bangs.I watched my wife participate in orgys (thats as hardcore as it gets).We always include each other in these fantasys and trust me living it is better than watching it on a flat screen but ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!.I know most men don't have that option.all else I can say is talk to your wife and try and get her understanding.masturbation is normal,MEN and WOMEN do it.whether or not women admit it.Women please understand masturbation has nothing to do with LOOKS or LOVE.

I've been married for almost 30 years to a very attractive and wonderfull woman. We have had our ups and downs but for the most part we're sexually content with each other. I personally like to view porn. I find it stimulating and erotic. It's a trip down fantasy lane. My wife does not enjoy porn. She doesn't understand what I get out of it. BUT...Here's The Deal... She doesn't mind if I watch it, she doesn't get upset, she doesn't get all weepy and full of self pity and I'll tell you why. Because she knows I love her and her only, she's confident enough to know that I have not ever and will not ever cheat on her. I do not use the porn as a substitute for making love to my wife. There is no emotional connection with porn. It's all purely visual excitement. I use porn as more of an aphrodisiac for me. Like a romantic dinner and flowers are for her.

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I guess I must one of the luckiest guys around. My wife and I are both bi-sexual, married for 31 years, and we both enjoy masterbating. We have friends that are really stressed out over just about everything involved with sex and their relationship. My wife tells me that many of her so called straight friends get really upset if the boyfriends or husbands watch Prono and masterbate. I guess this is an example of Overstating the obvious but, Ladies! At least your guy isn't out picking up hookers at the local strip club or wherever. Why is masterbation such a big deal with so many good, intellegent people? To all, have a good life, good sex and most of all be happy.

I enjoy looking at other penis pictures and have taken pictures of my penis in various stages from soft to full erection and after I have cum. I generally get off with looking at penis pictures however I am not gay and enjoy sex with my wife, though she doesn't want to do it more than twice a month and I could handle having sex at least twice a week. I also enjoy masturbating with myself and eating my semen.

I am one year married to my American husband. We met in Asia where I came from. We dated for a year and decided to get married. So I came to America. Life here is very much different. My adjustment was difficult, especially the married life. Plus the fact that I didn't know anyone here, no friends or relatives. My husband is a nice person, I thought he was perfect. Until I found out after we got married that he secretly watch porn online and masturbate. We have a computer room. I used to find small towels, or old shirt in the closet that has stain. I would admit that I was so stupid or the right term might be ignorant, to think that he uses it to wipe his sweaty feet and the hard stain was sweat. What I would do was wash it, and put it back where I found it. A couple of months after we got married, I found out the bills that was charged on his credit card from porn sites. My husband barely called me when I was in my country because he said it is expensive, but he spent hundreds of dollars on the porn sites. The pain was unbearable. On the day of our 1 year anniversary, I caught him masturbating in the bedroom with porn magazine. Anything more hurtful than that? I tried to ignore his online activities, but ignoring him would last for only 2 weeks. Then I would confront him, he would promise to stop, he'll behave for a week, but he'll be back on his activities. I was tired of crying. The hardest part was I have no one to share my burden because I don't have friends here. I knew he hates drama. He hates it when I cry. He hates it whenever we talk about his activities. But there was no way he will stop it permanently. He doesn't want counseling. I tried looking at porn sites too, to get even with him. But it doesn't have effect on him, and I didn't enjoy porn sites either. All I want is him, and have a good marriage. Last month I found this website. As I read the letters, I felt I was reading my own experiences and my own questions. The instance when my husband masturbates while I was in the kitchen cooking; or he tried to close what he is looking on the internet when I enter the room but I knew exactly that he is looking at porn because I can always check what he went based on the internet history; or he knew I was on my way home but he would masturbate instead of waiting on me; why he would want to masturbate instead of having sex with when he knew I want it all the time; etc. The day that I found this website, I also found a stained shirt in his truck. He used it at home, and hide it in his truck. It made me realize that masturbating is really important to him. The information in this website helped me accept and understand my husband. I used to think that I was the only wife who is suffering from this problem, but knowing that there are tons of husbands similar to my husband, I learned to accept that this is sort of a normal thing for him. It's been a month now since I found this website. Since then, we didn't have any drama. I knew he was looking at porn, but in all honesty, I don't feel hurt, I am not bothered anymore. What I did was talked to him, explained that I accepted that I will never win over the porn sites. And since we love each other and we both want to keep our marriage, we both need to adjust and give way. I wrote down my rules. There should be no money to be spent on any website, no chat, no webcam viewing, no groups, no membership on any website, he is not allowed to erase any internet history, his activities should not interfere with his time, relationship, feelings, and obligations that is due for me. If he doesn't want me to bug him, stay by my rules and we will have a peaceful life. We agreed that he can look at porn sites and masturbate, but we should have our own time too and he should never let me feel that I our sex is only secondary. It's been a month now. So far so good. It's nice to live without hate, worries, doublts, and pain in your heart. I feel lucky that my husband is the type who is willing to compromise. For the wives, acceptance is number one. It is hard, I'm not sure how I got there but once you have it, the rest will follow smoothly. Research more why our husbands are doing it, it will help us understand them. Talk about it with them, but it is only effective is they will cooperate. Otherwise, we always have a choice. I think this kind of habit is permanent. We either choose to accept and stay with him, or leave him as early as now.

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I can masturbate to porn and she my longtime girlfriend/future wife doesnt get mad or care at all, she sometimes joins me!! Im sorry that your relationship is so unstable that you cannot even deal with masturbation. Its infact, kind of sad. Masturbation is natural. My partner sometimes buys me pornographic magazines when shes out and sits with me and looks at them! My partner knows for a fact that she is way more improtant to me than pornography. I would much rather have sex than masturbate, but I do enjoy it! If she is tired or not in the mood she actually suggests that I masturbate. If you had a stable relationship you would be able to share. Stop being soo insecure and self loathing. Is your self worth so low that you think a picture/video is going to replace you??? Thats a huge amount of insecurity. Get help. Its a visual aid thats all.

She comes first. Period.

Do you REALLY think that a picture is worth more than you or that he would rather have porn than sex with you??

If its affecting your normal everyday activities then thats one thing, if hes spending 15 mins getting off give him a break. Try masturbating yourself for once.

Maybe youll be less stressed out about it.

If he would rather look at porn than have sex with you then hes not interested in you sexualy anymore and you should cut the crap and get a new husband/boyfriend. You better learn to masturbate too if your gonna stay in THAT kind of non-sex relationship.

Stop crying, maybe hed be more interested in you.

I would like to say that I think that many men would probally be surprised to know that many women enjoy porn, weather it is videos or magazines. The difference that we don't enjoy it on our own, we would rather be with our partner than masterbating by ourselves. I masturbate but when I do I come so quick it is almost pointless. Although that may not be the same for other women but for the women I have spoken to on this topic, 90% don't enjoy masterbating. It does not compair to the feeling of a warm body or just the fact that someone else is doing the touching. When we touch ourselves it is not as arousing as the touch of someone else. Being touch by someone else is almost electrifying, your heart beating faster, the smell of the other person. It is like 2 magnets when put together reverse, they don't touch but you can feel the electricity it gives off. That is how I feel when I am with someone though unlike a magnet I need to be touched. It all has to do with anatomy as well. Men have it easy, it is like peeing ya'll could go about anywhere you want and you also have access to masterbate in almost any position, WE on the other hand can not. Plus, the fact that for the most part we need to be stimulated from the inside where as men is from the outside. Many of us who have had children that also plays a big part on how we relate to porn. Though in my case for all my pregnacys my partner seemed to desire sex often, this is not the same for many women. Thus, giving us the idea that we are not atractive cause you rather look at porn and jerk off instead of touching us. There are so many reason why a women may be offened by her man perfering to masterbate, this does not mean they are right but it might give you an insight as to why. I like porn, I like erotic stories, I have even bought my partner magazines which we enjoyed together as well I have kept for myself because the human body weather man or women can be breathtaking. Like me I am sure there are many other women who are the same way. We just want to be the first pleasure in your life not a stand by if you can't get the time to be by yourself.

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I'm single and lonely and i masterbate to porn. but everytime i do it i feel ashamed of who i am cause i know better but my sexuality is all scrambbled. I can't quite explain it but i do know that it's wrong and useless it doesn't get ANYONE, ANYWHERE. I like to look at penis pictures and masterbate, but again everytime i ejaculate i feel like i've done the most terrible thing a man can do. The internet is a terrible tool. downloading and porn alltogether. For all those married couples, don't be so hard on yourself and think of all the choices and future events that happen. i know that in time I will be able to control my feelings and achieve perfect harmony. Its not that masterbating is wrong, its the things that give you those choices to do them.

I consider myself a very open minded woman. I am an attractive woman. I love sex in all forms and masturbate about twice a week. I understand that my husband feels the same urges. But he has the habit of turning me down for sex, and then masturbating instead. I get sex from him about once a week. His videos and magazines see him daily. He even has a portable DVD player in his van for masturbation when he leaves the house!!! I don't expect him to stop masturbating, but the masturbation and porn is interfering with our ability to have a normal and healthy sexual relationship because it has become his method of choice... This is a problem. I don't think anybody can dispute that.

Let me lay down the law for all of you people. Masturbation is normal, yes, I did it too (DID!!) as a teenager but now I'm done with it and respecting my body. When it comes to porn and masturbation, it's wrong, just wrong. It turns something beautiful and makes it ugly. I'm pretty religous so I am very concerned about the addiction of porn for teens. For older men it's just creepy and it shows their disrespect for women. Those are the kind of men you find on Dateline years later. Save your sexual needs for your wife and she will do the same. A successful sexual relationship can be the key to a successful marriage.

I am a normal mid-20's male battling this Jeckyl and Hyde issue in myself. I've always thought porn was wrong, but that never stopped me from enjoying it in that secret, private way. I've always felt like a Jeckyl and Hyde about it, but I never had to confront the issue until now.

I have had serious girlfriends before who never had an issue with this. Now that is different, as I am living with a very moral girl who absolutely detests porn. She says it is only for moral issues, and I believe her. When she found my collection, I thought she was going to flip! I tried to quit since then, but I've masturbated to porn just a few times in a few months. She always asks me if I still do, and I have told her the truth. When I told her I did recently, I got the cold shoulder for days, and it hurts me so badly knowing that she hurts so badly about this. The problem is, I just don't know what to do.

Part of me thinks it's okay and normal, as society seems to agree. But part of me completely understands where she's coming from, and society is losing all of its common sense. Part of me wants to quit, and part of me thinks I shouldn't have to. HELP! It is so serious to her that it could ruin this relationship...I don't know if that's fair of her or not.

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Pornography is a normal part of any persons sexual drive. It is natural to have fantasies and men are less able to fantasize without a graphic to accompany it. It is a fact that women fantasize but men don't have the same abilities to visualize what turns them on.

For a guy to look at porn on the internet is a normal thing, and cheaper than buying magazines and videos. Also there is a wealth of different fantasies out there, everything is catered for, and if it is not harming any others then there is no problem.

When you see the numbers of Straight men on this site who seem iterested in sexual activity with other men, porn serves as a medium to allow these things to be experimented with and explored more, it brings people to realise that there are other people out there who are the same. In fact, when it comes to same-sex experimentation it seems that the majority are interested to a degree, but in an annonymous way to begin with.

Porn is great, and any who cry about their partner viewing porn is insecure and prudish in my opinion. It is not your business if your man looks at porn, but it could be if you were more open with him about it and chose to make it a part of your sex life.

I must say this can be a controversial subject but at the same time our agreement or disagreement is relevant to our moral belief and upbringing. I believe masterbation is normal, one that aides us in learning about our bodies. We naturally evolve towards it as children. We have natural attractions that aide our mental developement and drive toward finding our mate. These attractions can be distorted by certain images such as porn and media exploits. We must look to grow and mature to know ourselves, to see the TRUTH about what we believe, want, love and need in a partner. Through dating we have the opportunity to gain an understanding of each ones personal belief/s and access one anothers level of maturity. Once we find our mate, self-masterbation tends to subside and our sexual satisfaction is derived from our mate, masterbation takes the form of foreplay. We are always learning and should aspire to fulfill other aspects of our lives WITH our mate and feel responisble to please not only ourselves but our mate as well in ALL areas as a unified couple. That is where love, respect and admiration comes into play. Where committment and love abide no other person or image can penetrate the circle of trust and respect two people have built through love, communication and growth. We all want to be number one to our partner. Often people get involved with someone solely on a physical level, due to a lack of self control, they get involved sexually (chemically) and never get attached in the manner they should (open, honest communication) to proceed with a deep rooted satisfing relationship, then you get caught up in other activities that are truely unhealthy like porn, mulitple partners, gauking and cheating and some revert back to self- masterbation to avoid cheating. These are symptoms of a failing relationship. We will justify certain behaviors in order to fullfill our current need or avoid the effort to get the relatioship were it is supposed to be. I beleive that we practice masterbation within our relatioship to release sexual tension related to neglect from our partner somewhere along the line. This neglect is in part our own fault because we lack the communication skills needed to resolve the pattern of neglect regarding our sexual needs or other areas as well. We must take responsibility for our emotional, mental and physical needs and educate ones self to improve our ability to communicate effectively. Our society is fast paced and we barely have time to talk to ourselves to get to the point were we know what we want or who we are, let alone care about anothers view. So we fumble along and We tend to lack the mental and emtional maturity to handle or even have a truely open, honest and fully committed relationship that is til death do us part. Materbation is a small part of the problem.

So many entries about how distraught and offended women (mostly) get when they catch their partner masturbating to porn. It would be the same as the survivor of an abusive alcoholic preaching the evils of alcohol. I can have a drink or two, get either sleepy or chatty, and it wears off. No abuse. Same with porn.

My wife and I make love regularly, and she has never ceased to turn me on. There are times we're out of sync, but usually it's my work schedule to blame, which gets me out of bed much earlier than I'd like and I stay up as late as possible to spend more time with her. I look at porn every now and then when she's not home yet and, of course, I masturbate. Sometimes when I do, we make love later anyways. Sometimes we don't. It doesn't mean I'm cheating on her, it doesn't mean I don't respect her. It fulfills a need that has nothing to do with her or us.

I used to masturbate and fantasize quite a bit -- my parents would have throw out my porn had I kept any under their roof -- usually a few times a day. I would imagine all kinds of scenarios and it became a mental exercise. I now look at things that interest me on an intellectual and sexual level, things I would not want to actually try or know my wife would not try mostly or even couldn't try, like lesbianism, but still make me hot. It's a safe way of exploring things without actually trying them and without the anxiety of being either watched or judged. It's a time for me. It goes away when she's home and comes back out only when I need it.

I feel very sorry for those who are too insecure in their relationships to allow their partners to fully explore their own sexuality, even if it involves porn. I feel sorry for those people that feel marriage means you own your partner and that porn is cheating. Those people, I feel, have issues to deal with and maybe should re-evaluate the relationship. I also feel sorry for those whose relationship is so poor that their partner prefers porn to sex. I think you should seriously reconsider the relationship or, if you'd like to try and make it work, see a marriage counselor.

The idea that porn of itself is disrespectful is absurd. Not every photo, not every frame of film, not every recorded sex act is contrived and forced upon the woman. Get real, there are many women making porn because *gasp* they WANT to! Amateur means they're doing it because they enjoy it; amateur is not the opposite of professional, novice is. The idea of porn being infidelity is also absurd. Being faithful in the mind is religious propaganda pushed onto us by people who inwardly feel sex is either unclean in some way, or that monogamy is somehow biologically hardwired into us. Men are wired to spread their DNA far and wide while women have been shown in studies to be wired to look for the best DNA from one donor and use another male as the father figure, since normally the best DNA and paternal instincts don't both reside in the same guy. I'm not saying monogamy is unachievable, nor even a bad thing, just that we're not wired for it. I can admire a feminine form without wanting to jump in her pants. Please, anyone who wishes to continue calling the use of porn disrespectful or being unfaithful, offer up some proof instead of your sob story. And remember before you go flaming me: I'm not talking about guys who'd rather watch porn than make love, about guys who use porn so much that they can't function normally in bed or anything like that, sad though those examples may be; I'm saying that porn use can be perfectly normal and unobtrusive. Please direct your arguments in that direction.

Most guys are individuals, just like most girls are, and the use or abuse of porn rests upon the individual. The fact that most of the entries here are complaints shows only that there are several women who feel porn is hurtful. With the exception of retarded ejaculation, which is arguable as to whether it's the porn's fault or the man's, nobody has shown a legitmate harm that porn IN GENERAL has caused. Unfortunately, most of the arguments laid down in previous entries are ad hominem attacks, are without sound reasoning and broadbrush all pornography and porn viewers. I challenge anyone to PROVE me wrong.

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I have been married for almost 6 years. I have no problem with masturbation. Whether it's my husband or myself. The problem I have had is when I have found my husband had visited porn sites on the computer, both at home and work. I pulled up some of the sites and it was disgusting. He would types in the web search, sluts, lesbians, whores, etc. We supposedly have the same moral value system. I don't think so!!!! He lives one way, yet preaches another. Claims he never masturbated to any of the pictures. I have caught him 5 times, since we have been together. Always with a promise that he'll never hurt me like that again. And he knows it's wrong. In the last 3 months, we have had sex maybe 5 times, and most of it oral. It's been 2 weeks since we have done anything, and last night, I am awakened by the bed moving, while my husband masturbates. I said, that didn't take you long...he said I thought you were asleep...he used to roll over and wake me up, when he was restless. About 2 months ago, I woke up at 2 a.m. and found out my husband was watching lesbian porn on hbo. He claims that he was searching for a regular movie, and happened across it and changed it immediately...BS...this is the story I got after the original one denying it, saying he didn't even know we had hbo. Makes me wonder how many nights he did that and didn't get caught. He also decided to meet women online, then actually drove 5 hours to meet one of them in person and go to a movie with her. This comes as a warning to all of you who thinks porn is harmless. It is not. It makes you think in unrealistic way. You begin to view people as objects not real people. It destroys intimacy. It also makes some people think that what they have isn't doing it for them, because of the continual need to be stimulated. Then, the things they look at need to increasingly become more graphic to achieve the same arousal. My husband said I used to be his dream lover. As if to blame me for his habits. But then, he blames me for everything else. Why not this, too!

I'm a 51 year old man who has been into porn for about 38 of those years. For most of that time I had no problem with it that I was aware of. My wife didn't seem to have a problem with it for quite some time either. Of course she was (and is) a ravishing beauty and in my younger days my affinity for porn in no way interrupted our sex life as I was Ready Freddy 24/7. In fact she probably hoped that the porn was taking some of the pressure. As she became older I think her self confidence began to wane and she began to object to the porn as it hurt her feelings. So, I threw it all away (no internet at the time).

This lasted about a week, and I was out buying Penthouse magazines and so forth but keeping them hidden. Tell me there's nothing wrong with this picture: Georgeous wife, ready willing and able and me out hunkering in the tool shed whacking my penis while looking at a magazine.. Yes, there is something wrong with this picture. I still didn't see it however. Soon I was introduced to real porn, XXX movies. The nearest XXX movie theatre was a hundred miles away and the cost of admission was high. I found myself dreaming up lies to tell my wife about why I would be 5 hours late getting home.. Not to go have an affair, to go, me a perfectly attractive and fit young man, sit in a dark theatre and watch porn with paper towels wrapped around my penis to collect the mess. Now you know damn well there's something wrong with this picture and I finally started to see it myself.

VCR's came out and I finally could watch my porn at home. This is when things really started to go crazy. Normal stuff, gave way to more interesting themes: Anal, bondage, watersports, lesbian action and finally rape fantasy. This all evolved over a long period of time and never fully escalated until the internet came along. I would spend literally 5 or more hours a day downloading porn. 5 hours of looking at porn would produce the most profound orgasms.

During all this time my wife would occasionally catch me. She'd walk in on me looking at porn and it would break her heart. I would tell her the same sort of BS a guy who gets caught in an affair would say.. It doesn't mean anything honey. You don't understand, sex is different for guys blah blah blah. But it really hurt her feelings and I decided to quit.

I quit drugs; relatively easy. I quit drinking; a little harder. I quit smoking; hard as F-ing Hell. None of them came close to quitting porn. I was successful for almost an entire year one time. I noticed that my love life was healthier than ever. My attitude towards women in general was entirely different. My fantasies were returning to normal. I was becoming a normal human being. I fell off the wagon however and I'm still hooked to this day. You porn fans would puke if you could see all the great stuff I've trashed over the years. I am addicted. I wish to Hell I'd never seen porn to begin with.

Porn is a slippery slope to more and more unusual and then bizarre fantasies. Porn creates an unrealistic view of the opposite sex, truly turning women into objects. Porn wastes HUGE amounts of time and a fair amount of money. Porn generates unnatural desires or at least fans the flames. Porn is bad for the self esteem.. What kind of man sits around playing with his own penis? Porn is highly addictive. Porn destroys relationships. Purchasing porn supports an industry that is indescribably corrupt and victimizes women and children in a multitude of ways.

I used to work for the world's largest manufacturer of fitness equipment in a managerial capacity. Almost daily someone was getting canned for looking at porn on the company computers. I was too smart for that, I carried a laptop with a harddrive full of porn. However once I was looking at some particularly gnarly stuff when I was distracted by a phone call. A subordinate female came into my office and as I was turned away from my desk referencing a file cabinette, she stumbled onto my laptop. She never did say anything but our relationship was never the same and soon she bid off on another position which she took at substantially less pay.

My child caught me looking at porn. I tried to explain it away as a damn email.. Why do these people keep sending this disgusting stuff. Now he sees me as a pervert AND a liar.

I had been looking at porn at the studio, but was distracted by an idea (I'm a musician) I picked up a guitar and was playing when my niece walked in. We talked for a good half hour. She was acting a little wierd. After she left I turned to the computer and there was a full screen image of a woman tied up in a chair nude with a dildo inserted into her vagina. Boy I'll bet that did wonders for the respect level.

Don't tell me there's nothing wrong with porn.

I'm the last one to get preachy but I gotta say that through all those years I hated religion and what I saw as the oppressiveness that goes along with it. But I gotta admit that had I taken the advice they kept trying to cram down my throat, I'd be a Hell of a lot better off today. A religious friend of mine once told me, Satan doesn't want you to sin, he wants you to be miserable and sin is merely his tool.. I told him to shut the F,,K up but he just might be right.

Thanks

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I feel the problem is sad -- It's all about INSECURE controlling females. Next you won't want your men going to the bathroom without your approval. Masturbation is normal we don't live in the C19th. Maybe you ought to get your frigid arses over to your therapist before you drive your men away.How selfish can you get. Oh and if you're not HAPPILY sleeping with him, how else is he going to get off.

I'll do what makes me happy. I've told this to all the females I've ever encountered and if they don't like it *wave* *wave*. Fortunately I've had some very very understanding women who would share doing what I like and incorporate those things into our lives and this would be reciproacted.

A conclusion that I've reached is that some women are just inflexible and want too much. Good luck finding a man who doesn't jerk off to porn or think about other women.

That said many men need to get there shit together so to speak. If your husband is not fucking you atleast 3-4 times a week and making you cum and is masturbating constantly he has issues that need working out. If your partner is masturbating when you want sex and tells you he is to tired. Don't blame it on the porn, blame it on the sorry son of a bitch who rather pump his dick than let someone else do it for him.

It's the individual with the problems not the outlet of satisfaction. Again it's not the porn it's the individual.

Also I'm not asking men or women to change but to understand and if you understand and still don't like it tell your partner to start packing.

PS. I think it's important to note that I'm currently in possesion of no pornography because it now doesnt excite me. (got me through my teenage years though). Only thing that excites me now is an understanding, willing and adoring female whom atm happens to be my wife.

Thanks

I am a male, 56 years old, who has always loved to masturbate. I believe that masturbation is natural and healthy (medical professionals now even extoll the health benefits of regular masturbation). I will continue to masturbate until the day I die. It is one of life's most beautiful and simple pleasures. I don't understand why so many people deny themselves this incredible gift.

Yes, I also enjoy looking at porn -- but not the Playboy type of porn. I enjoy looking at women with so-called normal bodies, and I enjoy looking at men with women (no, I am not bisexual, but I find the erct penis to be quite erotic). I also like women very much. I am single right now. I don't believe that I have objectified women by looking at porn. I understand the difference between fantasy and reality, as most sane people do.

Masturbation is such a gratifying part of my sex life that I have reached the conclusion that my next partner must also love to masturbate and be willing to share her masturbtion with me, including the mutual viewing of erotica.

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I have been married now for 7 months and i love husband, but from the second month of our marriage he has initiated sex with me MAYBE 10 times. He also always has a reason for not wanting sex with me...he's tired or mostly, he blames it on his anti-anxiety meds. BUT, the issue is, he visits S0 MANY truly hardcore websites and masturbates to them. No wonder he's not in the mood for me!! I, too, am beautiful and sexy, but he has cyber-sex about 50 times more than with me!!i have told him how it makes me feel. When i first realized the frequency of his online activities, i was really upset. He smashed my laptop in a fit of rsge because he said it's none of my business what he does online. ARRRGH! I guess i have the same issues as many women here...

I caught my husband masturbating in front of his computer a while back. It bothered me a lot. When we finally talked about it he told me that he would prefer to be with me but sometimes I'm just not available. He went on to say that looking at these pictures or watching the short videos online just make the masturbation process go a little faster. This is a line of SHIT!!!!! Just before I caught him I had just left the house and came back home unexpectedly and found him jerking off. If he had wanted me he could have had me 15 minutes earlier but instead I got the fealing that it wasn't me he wanted but the whores he could find on the internet. I have tried and tried to let this go and not think about it but the other day he did it again. I like to get my husband realy hot when I know that we can't do anything for a couple of hours because it makes sex soooo much more intense. So I did this and had to leave the house but made sure he knew that I wanted him and I assured him that I would please him when I came home (I wasn't going to be gone long). When I came home I kissed him and asked him if he wanted to get naked and his comment was you've been gone a long time. I said so in other words you already pleased yourself? This really hurts! I am tall, blonde, smart, thin what is wrong with me. Is my husband really just so selfish that my needs and sexual desires are unimportant to him? I'm sorry guys but I'm baffled! If you have a wife who is willing then WTF is the problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It's me again. I've been reading this for several months, after posting back in August. I'm still confused as a male feeling like this is my private business. However, my girlfriend is still furious about the topic, even though I've gotten rid of my collection. She insists that it is cheating on her, and she continually sites the Bible regarding it.

I'm a moral person overall, and I do believe porn is immoral...but I'm also a guy wondering if there is any such thing as my private life. I don't think about other women when I'm with her, nor do I fantasize about other women I see. I can't help it that it turns me on, and it doesn't make her any less attractive to me. When she's pissed, WOW...is she PISSED. I don't feel like it's something that should hurt her, although I agree with the moral argument. I guess part of me feels like that's between my soul and My Maker.

Even though I got rid of it, part of me wonders if that really should have been this huge of a deal. I realize she's not alone, but I've never had anyone care before. I love her and have done what she asked, but she's hurt that it took me too long to get rid of it, and hell hath no fury like her temper. Just the other day, she asked about it, and I told her I gave most of it to a friend. She even got pissed at that because I was spreading the immorality, and he isn't much a friend, and I'm not much of a friend to him. Does this issue give her the right to be so judgmental?

I'm 68 years old. I do not have sex with my wife because she does not desire sex and I don't want to use her for sex. So I masturbate three or four times a week, mostly while looking at some favorite porn videos. I masturbate for half an hour when I have the house to myself, but I feel very guilty about having the videos, and about my need to satisfy myself sexually. But I am not willing to give up sexual pleasure because she disapproves. So I hide my videos and my masturbation. It's a compromise. I love her very mjuch and I wish she wanted sex.

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As a teen I got into porn. I used magazines to ejaculate with. A friend got some 8mm stag film. A group of us would watch them, luckily in the dark. I'd get so hard, my cock would dribble semen, sometimes quite a bit. Often I wanted to hit the bathroom and unload. But by time they were thru, I could sit till I went down. I'd go home, generally stroke till I'd have 2 or 3 good orgasms. I do think I was perceptive and understood it was no great trick for a guy to nut. And in porn women were demeaned. I wanted to learn how to treat a woman right, and make her cum for real. I knew I could get off easy enuff. But I had yet to get to a real woman. When I finally did, I wanted to be sensitive to her needs. Well, at first pussy, you just lose control. But in time I think in a strange way, I think I made porn work for me, and turn me into a gentle and giving lover. But I think for most men, they come away worse. I was lucky to not come away as some kind of sexual deviate. Sometimes still I'll view a bit of porn just to get off, but don't ever confuse the way women are treated in porn as to the way you should treat them. Unless you can be gentle, caring and tender, take care of yourself.

I would like to take a moment to electronically vomit on all you pathetic excuses for men who put your wives through the suffering, agony, and sense of worthlessness that you allow them to endure while your perverted asses are taking a moment to breathe and recover from your little repulsive cyber adventures on your cum-stained computer screens. Point blank: You are scum and I hope that all you men with daughters can explain that to them when they come to you telling you how worthless their pervert husbands make them feel. EXPLAIN THAT TO YOUR DAUGHTERS!!! Explain how it's okay for their husbands to sit and jerk off and fantasize about having sex with women other than them. Porn has destroyed my relationship and my self-esteem. Porn is for adolescent boys, not for grown men with wives and families. Grown men who intentionally and consciously make an effort to make time in their schedule to watch and jerk off to porn should not be married or committed to one woman. You should be with your dick in your hand and a windex bottle in the other, and then seek employment in the window-washing field (you should be a pro at it, unless your like some other derelict husbands who not only watch the crap and do the deed, but then leave their nasty gooey smelly evidence behind). You creeps should honestly be spending some time with your wife, making her laugh, having a meal, telling her a joke, complimenting her, making her smile....making memories with the person you love and creating memories that you will share and remember. However, if you can't stop your nasty obsessions with porn, the only memories you will have in life are ones of some nasty, disease-infested crack whore getting jizzed on her face by like 10 different buffoons and in turn, ones of your wife crying because she can't be that nasty disease infested bitch that you prefer. Go out, see the world, enjoy your life, enjoy your wife, enjoy the real things...BE HAPPY, BE NICE PEOPLE, FEEL ALIVE!!! Life is beautiful....and things like this make it UGLY. I won't share any of my personal details to any great depth, but porn does DESTROY and HURT, and it's not about insecurity. It's disrespectful and it's a disease. People need love to be happy, not porn. Some men act like they will die without it, like it's water or something. Some men have the nerve to tell their wives to deal with it. Dude, seriously, wtf is wrong with you? If you have such a strong need to sit and watch other women, stay single. Why do you have to drag your poor little wife who would do anything for you into your abnormal, twisted, pubescent fantasy world. For women, this is like sucking their femininity right out of them. They don't even feel like women anymore. Love is about respecting one another, and I bet that if all you men when meeting your wives were honest and openly expressing your obsession for porn and the fact that other women stimulate you, and that you think of strange women when you are supposedly making love, then your wives would not even be with you now. Just be honest: you are bored with them, you are a perverted fu**, and titties, vaginas, and asses are what your pathetic lives revolve around. And if you really loved your wives the number one thing you can do is to promise never to hurt them. A woman needs to have faith in a nice, real GENTLEMAN, not a jerk-off. WOMEN WHO DEAL W THIS SHIT, LEAVE THESE MEN!!! TAKE CONTROL AND GO FIND SOME NICE, SHY NERD BOYS WHO WILL LICK YOUR FEET AND BOW DOWN TO YOUR PRESENCE!!! YOU BE THE DOMINATRIX!!! If you were sitting home drooling at dicks all day you would be pinned a whore and a worthless bitch. Don't listen to all that shit that it's natural. We're not cows!!! We don't spawn in the wild. We're humans, we all have minds and hearts, and if we really love someone...REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE, then we could never intentionally continue to hurt them while they suffer and we spank our monkey. These men don't love you, they love body parts. There are men out there...nice, loving, charming men filled w love...who run to make their wives happy...who would never ever resort to this type of emotional abuse. THESE MEN ARE LOSERS. DILDOES HAVE MORE INTEGRITY AND WORTH THAN ANY OF THESE so- called men. Imagine if we lived back 50 years ago, all these men would be cheating on you now because they wouldn't have access to it. And don't think that's a good thing. It's better to be replaced by another human being, than constantly being replaced by an image---- -something that doesn't exist. I hope that if you're a man, meaning male because a man is a totally different thing from a male, I hope that one day you have to deal with your daughter who is a victim of the same selfish and harmful activities that you engage in. Please, seriously get a fu**in' life, because when you are on your death bed looking at your loving wife and you are having flashes of all the pain that you've caused her, it will be too late then and you will die with your name and the word jerk-off printed on your gravestone. Or atleast that's how it should be. Instead of being anxious for your wife to leave so you can sneak your overgrown ass to the computer with your trusty towelette (if you're not grimey), why don't you go over to her and hug her, give her a kiss on the cheek, play some tickle torture, be cute.....but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that's out of the question, it's much better watching degenerate trolls shagging and getting your sticky jizz on your keyboard. Sorry, what would I know...I shoud have known that sperm and office equipment go hand in hand. You people just gross me out...ew. I'm out for now...but I'll be back.

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My husband watches other men (naked, sexual activities with men and other women) on the computer and masturbates. Does that mean that he is bisexual or gay...do straight men get turned on and maturbate watching other men? Is this normal? I can pretty much handle the women, but I am so confused about the men because he is somewhat homophobic. Should I be worried?

The last guy I was with, I dated for 5 agonizing years. This guy was sp abusive and f'd up in the head, that porn became a replacement for me. I weighed 112lbs at the time and one day he would tell me I was disgustingly skinny, and the next day I was a fat ass. See something wrong with this? Replacing me with porn was an issue he had all by himself, I think him being abusive (physically and emotionally) to me led him to his justification of porn. I used to get so angry I would fly into rages about his porn!!!! I mean I've thrown some shit! It destroyed me emotionally and I got to the point where I didn't eat much because of depression. I was 112lbs, my boobs shrank, that is how bad it was. I am now healthy and 127lbs, that weight went back into my butt a little, made my breasts bigger from 34C to a 38C again, and gave me a little more on the thighs. But not in a bad way, it's being buxom. Anyway, at 18 and 19 we were having sex once a month. Eventually I had an out from that loser and thank god for it.

I am not with my bestfriend of two years, he treats me well, loves me, loves my body (that is what he tells me, hopefully it isn't a lie or exaggeration), and wants to marry me. When I found he looked at porn, to my suprise I was not angry with him. I just felt hurt that he finds that more attractive then me, even when he tells me how gorgeous I am. It is just hard to believe when something like that hits you in the face. I AM NOT NAIVE! I understand that he is a man and is wired to be aroused by boobs, ass, and vagina. He even told me that the girls might as well not even have a face because that doesn't do anything. I am so amazed that I have become a little more accepting of him looking at porn. The only time that it upsets me is when it happens:

1. so frequently and I wonder why we are not having more sex

2. the fact that I feel he is more turned on by their bodies then my own

3. and if I were to initiate sex and he were to turn me down with the excuse that he is not in the mood but when I leave the house later on me masturbates to porn.

Other then that, the idea of him doing it bugs me a little, but I don't get sad over it. I feel like if he were to enjoy it more, or be more aroused by it, I don't think he would tell me and just lie to me to spare my feelings. It's like pouring salt water on a wound and the doctor telling you the reason it keeps getting irritated isn't anything you do just to spare your feelings. When it would beneficial to you if he told you the truth so you could realize it. My boyfriend told me that porn is like microwave burritos for him. If he is hungry and can't really go out and get anything to eat he will eat the burritos just to stop suffice the hunger. But he wouldn't want those burritos if he had his favorite food available for him (me). I believe this, and I don't. I believe it because I don't think he would lie to me, but at times I do not because of the frequency of his burritos. There are times I would rather wait an hour for a good meal instead of eating burritos. But I do understand that there are times that we are not available to eachother. So I would feel better if porn was 100% honestly just a tool to make an orgasm quicker, a means to an end, because men aren't capable of visualizing things that turn them on like women can.

All I ask for men is this: 1. If he is in the mood I am his first choice and for me to come to mind. If I am at work or something he might go ahead and look because he can't have what he wants firstly.

2. For porn to not interfere in our sex life, for me to come home and be in the mood then him tell me he just doesn't feel like it. When the reason is, that he just masturbated before I came home.

3. And if he compares me to porn and is slightly dissapointed by me in comparison, or if he finds porn more satisfying sexually then me I want to know, because that is not how I want to spend my life, not a person I would give children to, or marry. I would want honesty because it is my life, and him not telling me may end up in me making a huge mistake.

This attitude of mine on porn is a FAR CRY from how I would of reacted a few years ago with the jerk I dated. Men, does this sound so unreasonable?

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When my husband and I first started dating, I knew he looked at porn and beat off. He grew up on it. His dad did it, so as a youngster being exposed to it, he didn't know better. I allowed him to have his space and keep his porn videos when we were first dating, as it wasn't my place yet, to tell him otherwise. After we became engaged, I asked him to get rid of his porn and put that behind him. I can honestly say, that he stopped masturbating on a regular basis after about a month of dating, as I had given him my 21 year old virginity. He had me, what else did he need? Apparently nothing! We are very open and tell each other most everything. When i'm not around, my handsome man sleeps because he works grueling 12hour days. I am always available for sex, as I love making love to my husband. It isn't just the lust factor, though he is so incredibly sexy I'm always aroused by him, it is the intimacy factor. He and I love each other very deeply. We have a passionate, story-book love, praise God. When I did ask him to get rid of his porn, once we were engaged, he didn't quite agree with me. He argued kindly, to be allowed to keep at least one or two pornos, that we could watch together. I said ok, for now, but once we were married it all had to go. Thankfully, he dumped all of it soon after that first dicussion, realizing he didn't need it anymore and in fact, never really had. He also saw how disgusted I was watching it, which helped quite a bit. I am blessed to have such a man that knows the difference between making excuses to have a second love life and facing the facts that getting rid of that outside desire was the way to go. Before he had dumped all of his porn, something happened. He had a couple pornos left, I knew, but he'd had them put away covered in dust for months. One day, I came over to his place to watch a movie with him. I popped open the DVD player to find a porn disc sitting in it. At first I didn't know how to react. I was shocked by my own shock, since I'd been aware that he still had porn. Then, I began to cry as hurt and heartache surged through me. He asked what was wrong, and when I told him he apologized as he'd been unaware of just how badly it hurt me. I told him that to me, having someone know you had porn, watched it and beat off to it, seemed embarassing. He'd never thought of it that way, as he'd grown up thinking it was ok. Once he realized it really was a sick, disturbing addiction, he got rid of it. Some of you will read this and say, Yeah, he's hiding it somewhere but I will vouch my life that he is not. I'm a sneaky devil, I know all the places to hide such things as I've hidden my own dirty secrets before. My husband is porn free and satisfied, well over-joyed, with having simple little me for his sexual desires to be fulfilled. That is the way it should be. Don't fall victim to this mumbo jumbo that porn and masturbation in marriage is ok. It just isn't. Their is no excuse for having a need to masturbate and watch porn, even if one ISN'T married. It is unecessary and I disagree that masturbation is healthy. If you need sexual relief, get married to someone you love, and have sex with them.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. Basically from the moment we met we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I graduated college and moved in with him. It did not take me long to find the porn under his entertainment stand. I didnt expect it to hurt as much as it did (in my other serious relationship I knew he watched porn and didnt care). But this boyfriend is different. We both agreed immediately that sex with eachother was the best we ever had. I could see no reason that he would need porn now that we lived together and were having great sex all the time. I confronted him and he said he hadn't watched that stuff in months and when I was at school he mastubated to me. Well I didnt believe that, but I let it go and just made him promise to get rid of the porn.

About a month later I found a porn video in the player. - Which he said had been in there for a long time. I knew it was a lie because we had watched a video not long ago. Anyway, porn kept turning up every few weeks and another lie would follow. After that I would catch him masturbating to Cinemax when he thought I was sleeping. Finally, one night I couldnt hold back the tears. That night he didnt deny it and explained to me that he likes porn in a purely animalistic way. He doesnt really want those girls and never thinks about them when we are together. He said it was just an old habit and he would stop because of how insecure it was making me (I had totally stopped initating sex by this point and was starting to not like my body). I told him that I dont care if he masturbates sometimes, but we agreed that there would be no more getting off to images of other women. The porn dissapeard from our lives for about a year after that. Then after I had gone away for a week I came back to find a porno tucked behind my dresser. I was very upset and all the insecure feelings returned. The worse part was that he denied it was his - UM - Okay... He still denies it to this day, though I dont see what the point is.

Another few months have gone by and I recently checked our internet history just out of curiousity because he hasnt wanted sex lately and it has been frustrating me. Well, I found tons of porn sites, so now I am back to feeling insecure and inadequite. The worse part is I have to accept that this will be my life if I stay with him. And more importantly, I am wondering if this is how it is with esentially every man out there. I really thought his morals were more similar to my own. I also thought that he was as attracted to me as I am to him. I really have never been so attracted to anyone. Just the thought of his naked body turns me on and I have never thought about anyone else during sex. That is why it hurts so much to know that I am not enough. I used to think I was attractive. Technically I know that I have always been able to get any guy I wanted. But this is really eating me up. I have always been attraced to women as well, but find most porn discusting. The women are just too ugly and raunchy. It was also only something I did when I was single. I now have no desire to look at other bodies to get off. Please tell me why this is IMPOSSIBLE for a man??? I only want him feel the same way about me that I do about him. (I also want him to stop lying and sneaking around about it.) Reading this site has helped me realise that I am not the only woman out there who is upset by her man's addiction to porn.

And men who are arguing that it is only normal - Porn is fine if you are single, or in an unhappy realtionship and not having sex, or have a partner that truly doesnt mind what you are doing and you dont have to lie about it. I'm sure most men our there, including my boyfriend, would be overcome with jealousy if they found out their girl was masturbating to the image of someone else's (and probably bigger) dick cumming. Suddenly you wouldnt feel to hot about your bodies either and would be having the exact same insecurites that so many women have to live with.

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For a long time, I was involved with a guy who, instead of loving me, loved what my body could do for him. When we weren't in a sexual situation, this was mostly not a problem; he really seemed to care about me. But even the littlest kiss would sometimes set him off sexually, and there seemed to be nothing I could really do about it except go along with what he had in mind. I did all sorts of things I vowed I'd never do, and especially without a ring on my finger, just to keep him happy. (I realize that this mindset was rooted in deep psychological issues, but that's not what I'm writing in this forum to talk about.)

Eventually, I came to a turning point in my life when I realized that I was worth more than someone's blow-up doll, and I told him I was finished being his sexual playground. By this time, I cared about him a great deal and he seemed to take what I had to say well and appeared to want to support me. But two days later, I found myself in the backseat of his car, dick-in-mouth, hating myself. I had tried to say no, but he had simply told me he wanted me, needed me, had to have me, and why didn't I love him enough to help him out long enough for me to give into him. This continued for about 2 months, me hating myself but never being able to tell the man I loved no.

Finally, we broke up, and afterwards I found out that he had been cheating on me with his left hand and his computer screen the entire time we were dating. Mostly, the images he had viewed were of internet women and a few were some pictures he had taken of me, but the most painful part was that he was still viewing and masturbating to pornographic pictures of his exes.

During the course of our relationship, I found out that he had been under the age of 10 when he saw his first pornographic film, and that he had been masturbating about as long. I never thought it was my problem until after we broke up, when I realized that his demanding style and insensitivity to what I really wanted was based entirely on him needing to fulfill his sexual urges based on what he's seen on a screen in real life. His addiction to pornography hurt me not because it replaced me when I was there, but because it poisoned the mind of the man I loved by teaching him that forcing me into doing things was ok, using me as a sexual object was ok, and manipulating me for his selfish desires was ok.

I don't hate the pornography industry. I don't hate my ex. I've even stopped hating myself for letting him do what he did to me. I've come to realize that pornography can even be a healthy venue to investigate, understand and express certain emotional and psychological urges. But what I really want to say is this: an addiction to pornography has the potential to destroy a person, and hurt everyone the love and who loves them. When a pornographic fantasy replaces every desire based in reality there is definately a problem.

These women who are crying out for love from their significant others, for help, and aren't doing so because they feel loved and cherished; they feel used, debased, unloved, and unhappy because they are trying to compete with an addiction. If it were drugs or alcohol, they would probably find it easier to walk away. But because it's totally not a big deal by society's standards, they feel guilty, ashamed, or foolish asking their lovers to trade in pixels for flesh; they would certainly make a stand if it were cocaine!

I'm asking those who struggle with pornography use, either their own or their partner's, to please change their mindsets. Addictions in any form are distructive, even ones viewed as normal by even the professionals. If you love her, listen to what she's really saying. She needs you to find her more attractive than your fantasy girls. If he won't listen, then leave; this addiction is just as powerful and destructive as any other.

Men will always have a facination with their anatomy; their brains and bodies will always respond to pleasing stimuli. But if their logical minds and emotions are putting the fake over the real every time, then they have an illness that needs to be treated as such.

Ok, I see a lot of you are struggling with some very serious issues concerning porn and masterbation. First, I want you to understand that people are consumed from childhood into a world of religion. The King James version of the bible is a translation of scrolls written by men.

That alone should clue us in. Many of the meanings were mistranslated and if you really want to understand this better you can read up about it as I did. I researched and found that in fact there is great evidence of homosexual relationships within the Bible as well as many things taken out of context.

Why do men need porno? Many are brought up on Playboy, Hustler etc. Women should always consider, are you giving your guy enough blow jobs? How is your technique? Do you dress sexy, look like you love his penis when you blow him?

Do you talk dirty? Tell him your a dirty whore that needs to be punished? or That your tongue wants to wrap around his special place? Do you experiment? They have these lovely silver balls?

Are you inhibited? Do you want to be his sex Goddess or the good girl? Maybe you need to reevaluate what constitutes good?

Don't waste your life being a sheep. Life is beautiful and sex can be the hottest thing in the world if you gain the intelectual capacity to free your mind.

I'm married. Most time my wife can not have sex because some ass hole on his cell phone hit us and ended that so I look at porn but to all you know it all's out there even the ones that watch what I do on my computer, suprise I have never masturabated to porn and never will. I do not believe in rape or having sex with children, or animals like some sick people like priests or pieces of crap like fathers. Those who prey on childen should have no rights but thats just my opinion. Their scum. Well maybe when I get older, I will try masturbation. It can't be bad if as you say everyone's doing it! Maybe when I die it will be something I will regreat not doing through my life but for now it is something I do not do period. I do not want to play this game any more.

I disagree with the statement I'm sure most men our there, including my boyfriend, would be overcome with jealousy if they found out their girl was masturbating to the image of someone else's (and probably bigger) dick cumming. Suddenly you wouldnt feel to hot about your bodies either and would be having the exact same insecurites that so many women have to live with.

From when were dating, I knew my wife loved looking at porn and often commented about which dicks got her hot. She also likes girl on girl scenes as I do. I like to see big dicks and imagine being that big. We have been married now for 23 years and are still very hot for each other. For some reason I now like looking at men sucking other men and then fucking a hot babe. I did some of that as a teen. This took some adjustment for my wife, but she is ok with it.

I found out my husband was masturbating to internet porn one year into our relationship, I felt so horrible and unattractive I almost left him, but he swore he would not do it again. Guess what? he did, two years later I caught him, I decided it was over and we seperated, i felt ugly and fat (I'm not but I had an eating disorder, anorexia, which he knew about and knew of my insecurities with my body), I started going to bars and drinking lots, I flirted with men and made sure I was the center of attention wherever I was. I hated myself for acting this way buy I just wanted to feel wanted. I know I had issues that were not his fault but he always told me he accepted my insecurities, and that he was not bothered by them. I loved him with all my heart, everything he was made me happy and proud to be his wife, unti he broke my heart for the second time, I then just felt like an idiot. So then he got counseling while we were seperated and said that he no longer had the addiction, I was hesitant but decided for one last try. One month after getting back together I got pregnant, I was so happy and so petrified at the same time, I know felt like I was stuck with this man that would rather bw qith a fake chick on a computer than me and now I was having an innocent child with this pervert. I still loved him but just not the same as before. Now our daughter is here and although we get along for the most part and the porn has stopped, I can't trust him and I srill get creepy feelings when I'm with him. What I thought we had was beautiful and special but it was just a big lie and now we have to live with this huge void between us. I'm sorry for everone else who had to go through this

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Ok, I have read almost every post on here, and yet still I wonder. See I have been married for 12 years now and before that we were together 5 years. We lived together 3 before we got married and ON OUR HONEYMOON, in a cabin secluded in the woods we have this damn satlite in which we couldn't afford at home and it had the wonderful Playboy channel, the next morning I woke up and caught him masterbating on our HONEYMOON. That was the beinginning, I talked to him about it tried to understand it and then decided to experiment with it myself, it improved out sex life, children came and now they are old enough to know not to come in with out knocking and such, and things got better and better, then I gained a bunch of weight, due to a health problem, I then allowed him to full fill himself even more, and I wouldn't straight or make a move towards him anymore. Then I hit rock bottom, I had surgery lost tons of weight and things got so much better and i feel great about myself. And bam the computer came into play and he learned to use it and NOW it is non-stop every day thing and it has now got to the point he erases every sign of what he is doing on the internet, and I haven't even threaten him with his behavior and the internet, I have talked to him about how it feels knowing what he is doing and I have asked why he is erasing everything where I can't see what he is looking at with out much response, other then he don't want to take a chance the kid seeing it, ( I agree) if he didn't have his own area of the computer and it is password protected and I agreed I would erase it after he was done. I also told him I liked watching him masterbate and that it turned me on, and that we use to like watching each other, but it is like he don't want to try and help fulfill me anymore at all. I a afraid he likes pleasing himself more then letting me please him. I can't, I won't believe that we have been together to long and we have gotten in a rut with excitment because I am a new me and we can try things we couldn't before cause of my weight. I am afraid this is going to ruin us. I would be fine if I would get some romance, some something, but all I am getting is the bedroom door shut in the mornings and lies about the computer and the masterbation. I want my husband and my love lie back. What would you do? I have had enough I want to block the computer from those site, burn all the mag. get rid of it all together, but I know and I except he needs more then I can give him. And I except that he needs to masterbate. I except he is human and he is man, and like the visual stimulation. But what about what I need. I want to walk out sometimes. What would you do? I want him to just understand I am human and a women and I have needs. I want him to understand that I understand what he is going through and I am fine with porn and masterbation. During times I feeling bad, or if it is that time of the month. I want someone in the world to get on the damn ball and understand if a man can't get his dick up Lord help him we have to come up with something to help the poor fellow out, but what about us women what if we can't get it up what if we have trouble, doesn't anyone care.. Ok I will get off of my soap boxs. Oh and if anyone out there knows where I can look at some NON gay men on the net free send me some links please!!!. Cause I have nothing against anyone sexuality, but I would like to see some goregous straight men, free on the net, is there a such thing...

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Interesting. In every magazine or piece I read, it is always the guilt trip put on the woman. This is very convenient for men, because they have an excuse or rational for everything that they do, and well, the lady just needs to understand this. Bullshit. This is self-centered, completely selfish act, with no regard for his partner's feeling. This is completely self gratification, and ladies, get over it? Excuse me. A marriage contract and vows say something quite different. I am, I feel, and extremely attractive female with very strong sex drive, who loves to roleplay, dress up, do almost anything, have fun, etc. Well, I have a husband, who knowing all of this, prefers to jerk himself off, and then not feel the desire to have sex with me. I think it is a control thing as much as anything, and I am just supposed to go along with this, because this is just something a guy has to do? Talk about the weaker sex. Well, this is utter bullshit as far as I am concerned, and I am moving on. He can screw himself until hell freezes over - I will find other ways to satisfy myself. This ritual of his has destroyed the itimacy between him and me. He knows that if he jerks off, then he will not desire me, thus he can be cold and distant; also come up with all kinds of reasons why this is my fault. Guys, if you cannot respect and put your wife first, then do not get married! You need to stay single.

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When are you people going to understand that the frustration of these women is not about MASTERBATION! It's about PORN! If the fact that this thread is called MEN AND PORN isn't enought of a clue, then you're an idiot and shouldn't be posting here, or anywhere. No- one is dissing masterbation - We are talking about porn.

First off, I'm only 19 so I don't have all the experiences of life.

To me, even when I have myself a girlfriend there is nothing wrong with masturbation. Its a method of stress relief, and fun that does not involve another person.

I have had sex, it feels similar but has all the emotions attached (which is better). Masturbation is just a method to get a good feeling, it normally doesn't have any emotion involved.

There is a lot of porn in the world and most of it doesn't appeal to m (or anybody) but again, there is no emotional connection between me and the person in the photo. That person does not get to experience anything and it is mainly the act of sex itself that is arousing, and not the lady in the picture.

Masturbation can also be used when the parter doesn't want to have sex (because they are too tired, asleep sore or anything else) or the man is too tired himself. It requires far less energy to masturbate than support yourself while having sex and ensuring that your partner also enjoys it.

Also ladies remember, your man has had access to his penis a lot longer than you have and because of this knows how to masturbate himself to exactly what he likes. He should also love the way you give him hand-jobs, but he has grown up with his method. It will always work for him and is perfect for him.

Porn is just used as a shortcut method to masturbate without having to think about the fantasy as much because you can see it playing out before you in either pictures or film.

If you ask any guy, there is a good chance he would not care about his girlfriend or wife masturbating herself. So why is this double standard being applied?

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This is truly one of the most dreary threads I've read. Porn and wanking aside for a moment, the most depressing thing is the attitude of entitlement, ownership and and fundamental lack of respect for men on the part of many of the women writing in this thread. Well as King Lear said: Nothing will come of Nothing., and by and large the women here give nothing.

I'm going to say the outlook and behavior described by the women here is at best a form of extended adult-childhood, but really often crosses the line into territory rightly called psychological-abuse. It's a line you might not see right away because frankly, treating men with a lack of respect is endemic and celebrated in our misandrogenous culture and closely tied to the 48% and falling marriage rate for ladies.

If you skim this thread you'll encounter the whole spectrum of desperate-housewives type womanly complaint; From treating the vagina as an ATM, to throwing psychotic-fits at fairly healthy and normal male behaviors, to putting husbands on a surprise post- marriage sex or companionship ration (then crapping on him when he masturbates, or takes up a hobby), expecting he work to death while the woman spends or does make-work, and generally being unsupportive and mean as h*ll. The worst part is that the men in their lives actually do feel, think, and act in the exact way these overgrown child-women arbitrarily demand.

There's also a running subtheme of women behaving badly, or at least any way they want. While demanding total slave-like obedience from their partners, the co-dependent female 'victimhood' is used as the rationalization. I pity the men here who haven't had the strength to kick these energy vampires where they belong, TO THE CURB. I would hope that men with self-respect, strength, and character would want: a partner, companion, and lover -- rather than a self-appointed pseudo-parent telling them when and where they can touch their own darn penis.

Well that's my 2 cents boys and girls. You may begin the ad-hominem attacks now.

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Hi all I'm 62 years old, married with children and still masturbate 2 or 3 times a week while watching porn on my computer. Strangely, I reckon I'm straight but my favourite site Advanced Masturbation Videos features masturbation videos of men and women. I find watching another man stroking himself to ejaculation extremely arousing and can't help but stroking myself to orgasm while watching. I also really enjoy watching a woman bring herself to orgasm by rubbing her clitoris or using a vibrator. My wife knows I masturbate but I dodn't think she knows I watch porn to get myself off.

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